Written by Morse

Monday, 23 March 2009

image for "Buggerall" Pub Opens in Portsmouth, Draws Motley Crew Of Patrons Addicted to Spoof!
Buggerall Pub Ad Announcing Grand Ă˜pening: No One Reads Anymore Anyway!

Portsmouth, Uk/ Guardian, Dining Out Section - Hundreds of Brits, known worldwide for having "no taste, Really," attended the opening at this maritime and historical port of the area's newest Pirate theme Restaurant and Pub.

The brainchild for the new business offering was "Buggerall's" CPA, Hal A. Pena, who rides herd on the profit making potential of The Spoof . com serial adventure story, "Below Decks" slopped out by some of the crew from the tasteless, cynical, and wildly popular site based in the UK.

The "Buggerall" Marketing Representative, and sometimes Cook, Skoob1999, said the new venture "would certainly appeal to patrons with exotic tastes, and even some soccer fans!" The leering chef said he could not reveal any of his recipes "as they've been passed down through my Mum and it would really piss her off!" He added, "and we don't do "well done" here either!"

The rather 'raw' restaurant venture coincides with a new Dating Site being directed by Florida Entrepreneur Buck Wheat, a native American gigolo, creator of the conjoined twins the Pissgums who have a prominent role in the sea going Saga, and famous for saying on "Late Night with Larry King" , "I really, really, really, love Pussy!"

When interviewed for the BBC Business segment, participants in the new ventures said they really had no choice but to go public in an effort to make a living.

Despite movie contracts, book rights, video games, t-shirts, Leed's Union Chew Toys for Rotweillers, and writing non-stop for The Spoof, an outrageous contract with Spoof founder Mark "Cheesy" Lowton guarantees him 102% of any profits from their efforts, causing many writers to take 2nd or 3rd jobs working 15 hour days 8 days a week.

One writer, recently emerged from intensive care after suffering a physical breakdown leading to pneumonia after being locked in a bakery for 102 straight hours frosting cakes for the rich and famous.

"I'm not bitter, really, "said spoofer Madam Bitters, " I just took this fucking screen name 'cause I'm so happy I can't make a fucking dime from my writing efforts! I'm just here to meet other homeless writers who are willing to share a fag with me, and offer brief shelter under London Bridge when it's raining!"

The "Buggerall's" Decor was the brain child of UK Barrister and Interior Decorator Q. Mudder, Interiors/Exteriors LLC. It features a collection of model ships, a brig with torture racks, a waterboard, a dart board with ever changing targets of the World's worst politicians, and a private room with recliners where patrons can relax and receive either 10 lashes by a dominatrix, or on St. Patrick's day get really PISSED On.(Sick)

The ship's religious leader, Father Birbee, will be hosting a photo signing opportunity for all "Below Decks" fans, and the full crew will be in attendance wearing their Pirate Garb. The most reverend of all crew, Birbee will be sprinking warm beer during a "blessing of the Fleet, and all Crew" ceremony, while passing a plate for charitable donations to the starving crew.

C.S. Forester is said to be turning over in his grave as we speak, and J.K. Rowling is said to be thinking of coming out of retirement and opening "a real fucking weird Tea Room!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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