Written by Rula Nation

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

image for Jade Dead: to the world
Is my bum too big for this body bag?

On what many are banking on being her last night on this mortal coil, it has been reported that Jade Goody is "sleeping the sleep of the un-dead".

In an undignified yet typical scene of domestic violence earlier this evening, sources close to Jade told of a violent clash of atavistic ferocity between Goody and her junkie lesbo gash gnashing one armed waster of a mother, when nurses tried to administer morphia to the attention seeking ex Big Brother cancer victim.

The sources voiced their exquisite joy and honour at being able to witness what must once upon a time have been just a good old fashioned typical run-of-the-mill domestic argument over drug possession in the Goody homestead, only now the stakes were markedly higher.

It's not certain whether or not Jade lost this round and was left to sweat, writhe, twitch and shiver the rest of the night away in the throes of the searing white hot agony of latter stage terminal cancer.

As on ALL other matters it is not known what Jade's new husband Jack made of these proceedings, let alone whether or not he is in fact even sapient.

Tweed was last seen exiting Chez Goody in flourishing strides furtively stroking his pencil thin mustache, whilst attired in a creepy top hat, raven black cloak and waving a shiny strontium infused walking stick at all whom he thought weak.

One unexperienced hack's questions were greeted by nothing but derisive maniacal laughter as Tweed sped off into the evening in a black Smart Car, the colour of midnight.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Jade Goody, Sleep

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