Jade Goody Exclusive: Jack Tweedy Has A New Bird

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Friday, 13 March 2009

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Anything's better than Jade!

Jack Tweedy, the husband of Britain's best-known terminally-ill person, Jade Goody, is at the centre of a new controversy tonight, when it was revealed by a woman on a bus, that he has gone and got himself a new bird.

Tweedy, or Tweed as he now likes to be known, was seen cavorting with a nurse last week at the Royal Marsden hospital where his wife was being treated.

The pair canoodled, partook in some impromptu hanky-panky, and also engaged in a bit of slap-and-tickle.

They stopped short of full-blown how's-yer-father?

Elsie Tattershite, 78, witnessed the incident as she was visiting her husband, Albert, who was also a patient at the hospital.

Albert had gone in for an operation on his ingrowing toenail, and was recuperating in another part of the hospital. Elsie, however, being a bit of a nosy bastard, decided to see if she could catch a glimpse of Jade or Jack, and it was then that she is thought to have invented the tale.

Elsie told the above to a fellow passenger on the bus, Gladys Muff, as she travelled towards Lewisham this afternoon, and it was later sighted on newsstands throughout the capital.

Max Clifford will be exploiting the situation soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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