An elderly couple have the unique privilege of being the first married pair to have themselves euthanased together. If only they had lived to see it, they would have been proud to have seen their glorious deaths emblazoned all over the papers.
Mr and Mrs Notdeadyet were Satanists, but were described by neighbours as "not very quiet actually".
A family friend refused to speak to me, but via an exclusive phone-tapping operation, it was found that they were terminally ill. Both Mr and Mrs Notdeadyet had a "rather bad" cold and could not cope with the "constant sniffling" and "ticklish cough", so they decided that it would be for the best that they terminated their existence before the terrible illness preventing them from living their lives.
In an ironic twist, Mr and Mrs Notdeadyet's regular lottery numbers came up this week.