London - (Armageddinouttahere! Mess): Biblical prophecy onanists have warned the transit of two-tailed Comet Lulin hails a terrible end for the Hellfire Club puppet monarch's reign this Sunday.
"The comet augurs the fake dynasty matriarch choking on her denture fixative adhesive," rapturists meeting in a secret bunker under Regent's Park Bandstand were told today,
"during a wet dream about going down (yet again!) on Sen Ted Kennedy."
Despite a maximum security straitjacket for a nightdress and a double-dose of prescription largactil Old Fatty Mountbatten still thrashes around wildly in her bed at night, tortured by medication-defying nocturnal emissions.
The St David's Day shocker was predicted in a Old Testament book dealing with the death of the monster Goliath, interpreted by many as symbolising the collapse of western capitalism's banking system.
"She's virtually bankrupt since her Coutts losses wiped out the daftasss RBS," BBC correspondent Robert Pest said today.
