Doctors today confirmed that cancer is suffering from the parasitical disease known as Jade Goody. Leading expert Dr Andi Medix said "There is no known cure. We try to starve the disease of attention, but it is just too strong."
The symptoms begin with a desperate need for attention. This is followed by the appearance of Max Clifford and reporters all over the body. The disease spreads rapidly, until the first twenty pages of your newspaper are covered. This leads to a viral infection known as exclusive serialisation. Once this stage is reached lots of people give up the will to live. The disease starts to crave more attention and huge sums of money.
Once the disease has run its course the viral infection moves on to another host, and we begin all over again.
