National Lottery Ticket Scandal Latest

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 27 December 2008

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Thousands 'would have won'

National Lottery operator Camelot has apologised to customers after a technical problem left lottery players across the country unable to buy their tickets as usual.

The "network communications issue" had affected those wishing to buy tickets in stores or online between 2pm and 6pm today.

Millions of honest-to-goodness regular ticket buyers were forced to abandon their weekly hopes of escaping the rat race until next Wednesday.

Problems arose, however, when it transpired that several people who had been prevented from buying their regular lottery numbers, had, in fact, won the jackpot, or would have done, if only they'd been able to take part.

Tracey Birchall, 30, from Bristol, fibbed:

"I pick the same bloody numbers every bloody week. Have done since 1978. I know 'em off by heart - 7, 10, 24, 39, 40 and 42. I would have won the jackpot! I'm livid!"

Another person who would have 'scooped the lot', was Norma Slye, who was tucking into an enormous pork pie as she lied to our Spoof reporter:

"I never miss a game. They are my numbers. I want my cash!"

Lottery organisers say that, despite having received the same claim from thousands of other 'regular players', they will only be able to pay out to those who can produce a valid ticket for tonight's draw.

Even my wife would've won a tenner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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