MP Outcry over 999 Jacuzzi Call

Funny story written by Rusty

Friday, 19 December 2008

image for MP Outcry over 999 Jacuzzi Call
Jacuzzi goes into self-destruct mode

A Smegmadale MP has been called an 'effeminate barmy clot' for dialling 999 after hearing strange noises from his turbo jacuzzi.

Smegmadale Labour MP Rupert Plonker called emergency services when something mechanical went violently squirly inside his jacuzzi's turbo water pump causing it to spark, shake, rock n' roll and make typical broken jacuzzi noises.

But Hector McGobb, Conservative chairman of Smegmadale's emergency response authority, and a close neighbour, told reporters the MP had wasted emergency services' time and should have called a plumber.

However Mr. Plonker said he feared the jacuzzi was going to explode and cause massive devastation across the neighbourhood.

The jacuzzi which is sited on the penthouse patio of his Smegmadale Gardens luxury apartment, was recently purchased from a Skidrow-on-Sea car boot sale and installed by Pikey Pete's Plumbing Services, developed the fault at around 11:00pm last Saturday night.

"The floor was shaking, the Christmas tree fell over, the cat shit itself and the noise was so loud it could be heard up on Smegmadale Peak," Mr. Plonker told the BBC's Radio Smeggers. "I was terrified and pissed me pantyhose."

The openly gay Plonker fled the penthouse with two hysterical Albanian male escort companions and called emergency services on a cellphone from a safe distance away.

"You don't run out into the street at that time of night in the freezing cold dressed only in leather bondage harness and a pony-tailed buttplug stuck out of your bum for frivolous reasons."

Believing the emergency callout was to deal with a potential terrorist threat, armed security officers arrived on the scene promptly and fixed the noisy jacuzzi pump with several bursts of sub-machine gun fire. Terrorist Squad Chief Bert Lugnuts informed attending reporters "The noisy bloody thing were shagged anyways - an' it's definitely fucked now. What is technically known as bolloxed."

However, emergency response authority chairperson Hector McGobb criticised MP Plonker's actions, saying there could have been a serious incident elsewhere, such as a cat stuck up a tree, or a hold-up at one of the town's 24 hour Stop and Rob inconvenience stores.

McGobb described Plonker's actions as typical gayboy hysterics, and the drunken effects of the White Lightning and meth's chasers he was seen quaffing in the local Pissed as a Newt pub earlier that evening.

"This was not a triple nine emergency. If your jacuzzi is making a noise you get out and switch it off. I think MPs, especially faggy Labour ones, should be setting a better example by taking night school courses in hands-on plumbing repairs."

Mr. Plonker, who had a restraining order issued against his neighbour McGobb last year for public nuisance and stalking offences, responded by saying he would do the same again if his replacement turbo pump went into self-destruct mode, and Mr. McGobb could kiss his spotty white bum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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