In a late parliament session last night, new rules were laid down for the monarch of the UK. It was decided that she should wear her ceremonial robes all the time.
"We have decided that as the head of state," said Jacqui Smith, Home Secretary, "which is a purely ceremonial role, that she should be dressed ceremonially to reflect that, and not just on state occasions. These are too far apart, and the robes are expensive to maintain."
The new rules also insist that Elizabeth Deux carries the Orb and Sceptre and wears her crown even when asleep.
"Security on the crown jewels is very expensive," Smith continued. "And there is additional security on Her Madj as well, so it makes sense to combine the two, and protect them both simultaneously."
This would mean that the Queen's traditional hunting garb when on sojourn to Balmoral of tweed and welly boots will be replaced with a floor length ermine trimmed red robe and glass slippers.
"It may be difficult for Lizzie to open doors, shoot a shotgun and drive whilst holding the crown jewels and dressed like a postcard image of herself," Smith conceded, "But she has staff for doing these things for her."
Smith denies that Prince Charles has requested these measures.
