Chip shop proprietor Antonelli Di Deepfry was divorced today by his ex-wife on the grounds that he continually stinks of chip fat.
Mrs Sandra Di Deepfry, of Dewsbury, West Yorkshire said:
'I'm not being vindictive here. My ex was an arsehole. He'd climb into bed alongside me late at night stinking of chip fat and haddock and expect me to start getting jiggy with it.
'I understand that he's provided a good environment for me and the kids but once you get that chippy smell up your nose it makes it difficult to sustain a meaningful relationship. If anyone should smell of haddock it should be me. And his feet stink so bad that it turns the milk sour.'
A clearly distraught Antonelli stated:
'I gave that woman everything. For her to say I stink is just wrong. She give me three beautiful babies, one brown, one oriental, and one sort of Scandinavian. What do I have to do?
'If you ask me she's been saying 'Ten dollars me love you long time' to anybody and everybody.
'While I've been working.
'That just wrong.'
The judge presiding over the case said off the record:
'The truth of the matter is that Mrs DiDeepfry is an old slapper who'd fuck a damp cloth if it moved. Antonelli should move on. Preferably back to his country of origin. I'm not a member of the BNP, but when Johnny Foreigner comes here and starts lording it, he should expect a swift kick up the bollocks.'
More as we get it.
