Daft bastard Mr Paul Wankbreak of Burnley, Lancs was admitted to hospital again last night following a second failed suicide attempt.
'It seems that Mr Wankbreak had logged onto various internet websites seeking an alternative to hanging himself with a bungee rope' said Dr Raj Patel. 'The patient learned that putting your head in the oven was a traditional method of clocking off for the holidays.'
Unfortunately the daft bastard didn't read the small print.
'Mr Wankbreak's oven is electric,' said hospital porter Tony McMuncher. 'He was in a right state when they brought him in. All covered in big blisters on his head and neck. He looks like he's been set on fire and somebody's put him out with a baseball bat.'
'That was just plain nasty,' commented nurse Doris Doffem. 'Poor daft bastard looks like he's been napalmed.'
A spokesperson for the charity 'Ending It All Efficiently' said: 'Sticking your head in an electric oven is not recommended. You just slowly roast your head. People like this daft bastard give proper suicidal people a bad name.'
More as we get it.
