The Church Of England, one of the most liberal-progressive religious institutions in the world has finally had enough.
'We've been lobbied to give our blessing to these so called 'fetish vicars' but we find this unacceptable,' said the Archbishop Of Canterbury today.
The Archbishop of York was in full agreement.
'We don't have a problem with lady vicars, or gay vicars' he said. 'But for someone to conduct a service wearing a rubber suit and a gas mask to ask for our support is just wrong. It's inappropriate behaviour to be conducted in the house of God.'
Fetishism takes many forms, as a researcher for our news teams revealed upon returning from a trip to Soho in London.
Apparently there are foot fetishists, baby fetishists, rubber fetishists, bondage fetishists, baby oil fetishists, uniform fetishists, and the list goes on and on.
Which begs the question, that if so many people are fetishists, then why are they not represented by the clergy?
'Because it's just wrong,' the Bishop of Durham explained. 'You can't have a vicar in full drag or one wearing outlaw biker gang gear conducting a sacred religious ceremony.
'And as far as these baby fetishists go, can you imagine a vicar wearing a nappy and sucking on a dummy being taken seriously? The Good Lord would think we were taking the piss. We'd lose all credibility as a religious institution.'
More as we get it.
