Dismay as Dagenham Dog Detonates

Funny story written by jeremy griffiths

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

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Curry and Canine incident

Pressure was mounting yesterday to review the dog warden service following a Dagenham detonating dog incident. The destructor chip, implanted in all dogs since 2003, malfunctioned, causing two Ipod listening youths to be deluged in dead dog debris.

Council Spokesperson Linley A Brador assured the public that "This is an extremely rare incident, we understand that the dog had just consumed a particularly virulent left-over curry, a small spark from the detonator has caused this regrettable explosion, occasionally a dog is terminated in a public place, but normally it is a small detonation, the dog's head just falls off, the dog is admittedly surprised, but feels no pain".

An outraged Susy Paniel blamed careless dog wardens for not taking the dog to the pound where it would have exploded in controlled conditions.

Claimed Al Sation for MOP (Ministry of Pets) "The scheme has generally been a great success, most people now pay their dog licences and the built in warning system ensures that normally no-one suffers in the rare instance of a termination"

The system works by bleeping at ever more freqent speed, not unlike a reversing vehicle. It takes 6 weeks from the initial periodic bleep up to the final 2 days when a verbal warning is broadcast by the device. The warning, "Stand Clear, Dog detonation warning" is usually not noticed by the public as dogs have normally been recovered through the SatNav tracking network at this stage.

In an unrelated incident earlier this year, several hundred chips were hacked by altering the message to an Ossy Osborne voice-over, changing the warning to: "Fookin dog explowdin' get out the fookin way!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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