Westminster - Conservative party leader 'Do Nothing' Dave Cameron announced his brilliant plan to lead Britain out of a looming recession this morning.
Do Nothing Dave, speaking from somewhere in the nether regions of an Amsterdam ping-pong ladyboy prostitute/hooker whilst dressed in silk stockings, a basque, and accessorised silk scarf (that's him by the way, not the ladyboy prostitute hooker) outlined his strategy by stating that Britain should reduce its tax burden on the ridiculously wealthy by cutting tax rates, and that the poor (he pinched his nostrils to avoid bad smells as he said this) should have all forms of state benefits rescinded.
But the crux of his amazing recovery plan involved putting up the counties of England and Wales for sale on a 'buy one, get one free' basis.
Wealthy Arabs and Russian oil billionaires were lined up as potential buyers, lured into the scheme by the 'buy one get one free' hook line.
Potential purchasers could buy a class A county like Surrey,and get a class C county like Lancashire for free. The plan is reportedly non discriminatory as purchasers would only be allowed to buy one class A county, and thus accept a pretty shit county for free.
Taxpayers in the north were said to be infuriated by the proposals proposed by 'Do Nothing Dave' Cameron, the Tory leader with his unfortunately large yet ineffective mouthpiece.
'If he shows his stupid face round here, he'll get a right fucking kicking' said an Accrington man.