Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkeson (47) was shot at today by Director General of the BBC Mark Thomson.
In dramatic scenes at the Top Gear offices this morning, Jezza was sat at his desk playing with his Matchbox dinky cars contemplating the complaints that have been received over his 'lorry drivers kill prostitutes' gag when BBC Supremo Thomson kicked open his office door brandishing a 9mm pistol saying 'that's it you fu*king c*cksucker - after the fu*king week I've had with them cu*ts Brandy and Woss, all I needed was you joking about killing fu*king prozzies!'
Thomson then proceeded to shootat Jezza like some sort of mental cowboy as the lanky car bore ran away shouting sorry.
Striding through the corridors of television centre and into the infamous BBC canteen, Thomson continued waving his gun around and pointing it at random TV personalities saying 'Anymore of you mother fu*king cu*ts got any more embarrassing sh*t to say in public - well have you you fu*king bunch of tw*ts?'.
A stunned silence was then heard to be broken by Thomson screaming 'the next of you pieces of sh*te who says boo to a fu*king goose that makes me look a right co*k is going to get well fu*ked over - and so is their family. Right, I'm off over to Radio 1 to warn off that fat cu*t Chris Moylez!'
Co-Presenters on Top Gear Richard Hamster and James Gay said of the incident 'We are just keeping our heads down, it is clear if we say anything wrong here, the boss is literally going to fire (at) us'.
If Thomson had been a better aim, Clarkeson would have left behind a wife, some kids and an impressive collection of sports and classic cars.