Written by Tom Lawrence

Saturday, 30 August 2008

image for New NHS Lottery announced
Affordable health care?

The National Health Service has announced today that it is joining forces with National Lottery organisers 'Camelot' to produce the 'Health Lottery'.

Sick and dying people simply buy a ticket in the usual manner by picking six numbers. Every Saturday and Wednesday the draw is made and those with six matching numbers get either a new liver or kidney, five matching numbers get you a hip or knee replacement, four numbers get the lucky punter a minor operation and finally three matching will get an appointment with a specialist within six months.

Also planned is a 'Lucky Dip', which will be a 'surprise operation'. Camelot added that the Lucky Dip needs some refining as during trials a 32 year old man from Hemel hempstead won a hysterectomy.

"We are sure this will be a huge success and take some of the strain of NHS resources" claimed Dr Crippen from Lottery HQ.

However some members of the public are not so enthusiastic, "I'd rather have the old system", commented John Limpet of East London, "Winning 10 million quid and flying to Switzerland for a private operation and having a bit left over to buy a caravan sounds better to me", he said.

Camelot say that the new lottery will be the envy of the world, "Where else in the world could you get major brain surgery for a pound (2 dollars), even if the odds are 14 million to 1?" said a spokesman.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Health, NHS, Lottery

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