Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 30 August 2008

image for Foul-mouthed Alistair Darling Swears On Telly
Things are bad

The UK is facing its worst economic crisis for more than 60 years, and things could sink as low as they were in Deutschland between the Wars, said the Chancellor Alistair Darling yesterday.

The real shock, however, is that the government are now admitting what everyone has known about for months. He acknowledged that "voters are pissed off with Labour's handling of the situation".

Mr Darling said the Housing Crisis, Mortgage Crisis, Fuel Price Crisis, Unemployment Crisis and Baked Bean Price Crisis were all long-term crises that the country would have to get used to.

The fact that unemployment was rising, and that record numbers of homeowners could no longer afford to pay their mortgages, and were losing their homes, was "just one of those unfortunate things" - not that he was going to lose his home.

He said conditions might get as bad as they were in Deutschland in the 1920s and 1930s, when people went to the shops to buy a loaf of bread with their money loaded into a wheelbarrow. Ja, das stimmt - einen Schubkarren!

A BBC spokesman made a statement last night that it was sorry it had allowed the transmission of such a derogatory term as "pissed off" to be broadcast, but said:

"It just goes to show the kind of ministers we have running the country today."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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