London borough employs daleks to deal with smokers

Written by StellaB

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Are you a smoker who uses a pub in Westminster? Do you carelessly drop your cigarette butt on the ground? From October you could end up being exterminated.

This is a new measure by Westminster City Council to deal with the problems of discarded cigarette butts found outside buildings in the area. Yesterday a source in the council revealed that the council has ordered 5,000 daleks, famous for their appearances in the long running Doctor Who series screened between the 1960's and 1980's. This is as part of a zero tolerance measure to deal with smokers who carelessly drop their cigarette butts on the street.

'Cigarette butts left on the street has become a major problem in Westminster,' a council spokeswoman revealed, 'Every day our street cleaners remove three tons of cigarette butts from pavements throughout the borough which poses an additional risk of cancer for our street cleaners. Metal ashtrays have been provided but people still don't use them. It's time to take action.'

From October all 5,000 daleks will patrol the streets of Westminster looking out for smokers who drop their butts. The daleks have been specially programmed to exterminate automatically all culprits.

However those exterminated don't die. 'We have fitted the daleks with special lasers which when in contact with their target have a severe laxative effect,' the spokeswoman explained, 'As smokers tend to cough they will just have to be very careful about their smoking or face the risk of having unpleasant accidents.'

Neither Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, nor the BBC were available for comment.

Boris Johnson is 28.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more