The BEC, the British Eastenders Corporation, has rejected calls for cuts in its multi-billion pound budget.
BEC director Mark Nobody said: 'Look, if you're complaining about it costing Britain billions of pounds, just to make one cliched soap opera, have one Sky News copycat channel, and show endless reruns of Dad's Army and One Foot In The Grave, then you'd be right. But that's not the point. Funny how ITV can make just as bad programmes as us at no cost to the public, isn't it?'
And former BEC boss, Greg Nobody, added: 'The biggest swindle in history? OK, it is, maybe the license fee should be increased to pay for a documentary series about the BEC extorting the British public. It could star Jonathan Nobody, at a reasonable fee of £222 million. The BEC budget could fund half of Latin America's economies and still pay for a few rockets to Mars, that'll be £320,000 for the interview, please.'
As hospitals and schools in the United Kingdom struggled to make ends meet, and pensioners struggled to heat their houses in winters, Mark Nobody said: 'What would Britain do without the BEC? OK, be a lot wealthier, but that isn't the point. The point, er, is, er, oh look, there's a flock of pigs flying past the window!', and the overpaid office clerk disappeared without trace, along with his daily pay of £1 million. Lord Reith is turning in his grave.
