Wanted - untalented, annoying, chat show host, with irritating mockney accent.
Duties - reading autocue jokes and talking about yourself.
Salary - £18 million.
Wanted - untalented, annoying radio host, with irritating Midlands accent.
Duties - reading out scripts, playing dreadful music, and talking about yourself.
Salary - £630,000.
Wanted - annoying, irritating news presenter, doing what any educated school-leaver could do for £100 a week.
Duties - reading autocues, and thinking you're clever because you read newspapers.
Salary - £940,000.
Wanted - firing squad to shoot the BBC's board of directors for stealing billions of British taxpayers' money, to give us only Eastenders and weather forecasts.
Duties - shooting BBC chiefs.
Salary - unpaid, due to massive amount of volunteers for the position.
