London - (Ass Mess): Cherie Blair's newly published hagiography has laid bare her thirty year battle with the first Mrs B and two older kids that her husband spawned by different women before she managed to nail him down.
"Of course they've been airbrushed out of official records," the bolshy scouser comments, "because quite frankly he'd never have gotten into Parliament if the public new about his sordid past."
Cherie also reveals that as a result of his first disastrous divorce her husband was made a bankrupt and charged with running a mainland bombing campaign to kill a number of his high profile creditors.
Also whitewashed from official records are his days spent as a squatter in a London house that once belonged to his current mother-in-law Margaret Thatcher.
Subsequent litigation convicted him of a huge property fraud that sowed the seeds of Dame Shirely Porter's Westmonster gerrymandering homes-for-votes scandal.
Next week's serialised instalment of the book reveal Tony's predilection for drive-by-shootings, his botching of the October 1983 Brinks Matt gold bullion heist and a cocaine turf war that resulted in him owing his father-in-law Robert Maxwell over twenty million quid.
