November's Top Ten List - Leaders

Funny story written by Mark James

Thursday, 15 November 2007

image for November's Top Ten List - Leaders
Tony Blair now runs the Blair/Clinton Peace Institute and Tea Rooms

This month's list comes from London's broadsheet newspaper, The Daily Reform.

Some say that people are just sheep following blindly without question. Others say that the strength of great leaders will always be able to persuade even the strongest minds. The Reform surveyed 1000 people for their Top Ten Leaders and the results were just a little surprising.

10 - George W Bush, son of US President George Bush Senior. Mrs Starble, 43 of Manchester said "George is just the sort of leader we need in the 21st century to sort out all those mad mullahs. He's an inspiration to me and all my fellow inpatients."

9 - Lionel Blair, Dancer, Entertainer and Team Captain on Give us a Clue. Simon Bowell, judge on popular premium rate television voting program, Text Idol, said of Blair, "I would follow any man who can pull of what he can using only his hands. What a great mime."

8 - Napoleon, Corsican Soldier who came second at the Battle of Waterloo. French President, Nicholas Sarkozy, in London as part of the Eurostar move to St Pancras, said something about Napoleon being a great leader and British people not liking him because he kept winning wars and yadda yadda yadda...

7 - God, Deity. Rev Keith Mongomery-Smythe, 24, from Liverpool said of God, "I can truly say that without God, I would not have a job."

6 - Oprah Winfrey, Educationalist. International lawyer, Boris Kapaltin, said "Oprah was an inspiriation with her wonderful television programmes. She gave people hope. I used to watch and was inspired to become a lawyer. Now I am instructed by a number of former pupils at her school in South Africa. The fees that I will get from this will set me up for life. Oprah really means everything to me."

5 - Sir Richard Branson, Bearded Entrepreneur and Adventurer. Sally Canter wanted to know why Sir Richard had had the Virgin Trains franchise taken away from him. "I'm well pissed off. I was waiting for a refund. I was also waiting for a train."

4 - Tony Blair, Head of the Blair/Clinton Peace Institute and Tea Rooms. This vote was taken before Mr Blair retired as Prime Minister. We called the Downing Street Press Office for comment but was told that "nobody of that name lives here".

3 - Sir Clive Clivington, Head of Lending, Bank of England. Mr D (name withheld) who works at a bank in the North of England praised Sir Clive. "When your back's against the wall in business, you need to know that there are people like Sir Clive who are not afraid of throwing public money at a problem with almost no chance of recovering any of it."

2 - General Musharraf, Democratically Elected Dictator of Pakistan. Reading from a prepared statement, one London resident, who asked not to be named, said "General Musharraf has done great things for my country. I will always thank him for the gift of life. OK, I've read it now. Can you put the gun down?"

1 - Sir Bob Geldof, Lead Singer of the Boomtown Rats and also involved with Midge Ure's Live Aid Charity. Sir Bob and Midge cured third world hunger in the Eighties. God, of St Paul's Cathedral, London, said of Sir Bob, "he is such a great man. I am more than happy to have been beaten by Sir Bob. If only he'd comb his bloody hair."

Next week: My top ten favourite combs.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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