The former deputy prime minister, John "Put 'em up" Prescott has spilled his guts about his eating disorder to newspaper the Sunday Times.
Mr Prescott said he had been suffering from the condition bulimia nervosa for over 20 years, or, in food terms, 22995 pies.
A tearful Mr Prescott told of how, at its peak, his condition led him to:
- use ministerial powers to commandeer an aeroplane hangar to use as a larder.
- try to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a Tardis-like stomach.
- fund the development of a breed of genetically modified chickens that could lay pre-cooked McNuggets.
- consider using the SAS to enter China and smuggle out the best chefs.
Mr Prescott apologised for using the British secret services to propagate the idea that the rise in world food prices was a consequence of biofuel production when in fact it was his gargantuan appetite that led to a world food shortage.
The 69-year-old says he has now outgrown his problem.
