Secret defence fund hires Michael Jackson's lawyer for Karen Matthews

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Friday, 18 April 2008

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Karen Matthews will get parity of access to a £££s make-over and an international hug-a-celebrity-fest

Dewsbury, West Yorks - (Rotters): Michael Jackson's New York lawyer Joseph Tacopina has been hired by a secret £1 million defence fund set up for Shannon Matthews' mother Karen.

The money is rumored to come from a reclusive Portuguese multi-millionaire newspaper magnate who last week called Kate and Gerry McCann's official spokesman Clarence House Mitchell "a worse liar than royal butler Paul Burrell."

"The first thing I'm gonna do is get this poor woman out on bail and on a global celebrity hugging tour," Tacopina said in a statement today.

"The ground rules for this were set in concrete last year in the McCann case.

"And it's my job to make sure Karen gets parity of access to all those famous household names like the Pope and David Beckham, as well as the very best hairdressers, dentists, make-over artistes, couturiers and personal fitness instructors."

Tacopina is technically ineligible to act as an attorney in UK law courts but can advise and choreograph a legal defence via retained British barristers.

The red-hot Manhattan attorney has an impressive strike record. His high profile clients also include New York City police commissioner Bernard Kerik as well as the parents of Meredith Kircher murder suspect Amanda Knox.

Shannon Matthews is in foster care.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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