Portuguese Police make Shannon Mathews Mum and Step Dad Aguidos

Written by Gordon Bennet

Tuesday, 8 April 2008


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Chief Inspector Mateus Rose of the Portuguese Police

On the Lunch Time News today, Sky TV showed live pictures of Portuguese Police Chief, Inspector Mateus Rose sitting at his desk opening his second bottle of red wine.

Rose smiled and waived the Aguido papers to the TV cameras and said "I have waited a very long time for a day like today."

Rose added "I have eventually got to the bottom of this conundrum, these people have told so much shit they have finally disappeared up their own arse."

The Chief Inspector went on to say "Why did Karen Mathews refuse to answer 40 questions if she is innocent and why does that smug bastard Craig Meehan always have that cocky smile on his face if he knows nothing."

He added "my next step is to re-interview the so called Slappers Seven who have continually given conflicting accounts of the afternoon Shannon went missing."

One of the key witnesses will be Rosie Bush the barmaid from the Flying Pig and Trumpet who served Karen, Craig and the Slappers Seven on that fateful afternoon.

Miss Bush said "the whole bunch of them where quite pissed as they had sunk several cases of Newcastle Brown Ale, and although the Slappers Seven claim they all checked to see if Shannon had returned from School, not one of them got off their arse."

Miss Bush added "the first I knew Shannon was missing was when Karen screamed the bastards, they have taken my baby."

"Then ten minutes later a Newspaper Reporter arrived, handed Karen and Craig, two Find Shannon T-shirts, took a photo of them both, and then handed Karen a big brown envelope."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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