New TV Sensation : 'The Secret Chav'

Written by Kent Pete

Monday, 7 April 2008

image for New TV Sensation : 'The Secret Chav'
Dewayne-Wesley Carter get's his own back.

It's a rare production company that chooses to atone for past failings by making another TV series. RDF Media, however, has decided to make up for 'The Secret Millionaire' with 'The Secret Chav', a disconcertingly similar show that somehow manages to be the exact opposite of its flawed predecessor.

'The Secret Chav' has a simple premise that you can pretty much guess from the title. A Chav, [here defined as someone on Incapacity benefit with more than four children], will go to live in a wealthy community.

The men in the show will tend to disguise themselves in open-necked shirts and traditional brands like Barbour.

The women will generally favour a scruffy ponytail , dangly ear-rings, bangles and pashminas. He or she will then tour around Sloane neighbourhoods, such as the Kings Road or Kensington High Street - as inconspicuously as possible for someone with a camera crew in tow - hunting for someone that will hopefully be interbred enough to fall for the scam. They will then tag along with the wealthy cohorts and fleece them for every penny they can in the short space of time they have.

It is planned that a typical technique will be to hang around the Admiral Codrington Pub, known as "The Cod" in Chelsea . Then a women Chav will, in a loud plummy voice, proudly talk about their academic failure and mediocrity and their subsequent employment in a secretarial job (which they will fully intend to give up when they get married).

A male Chav will gain similar trust by announcing intentions of a traditional career in the British Army (not the Royal Navy or the RAF, since both would be perceived as 'infra dig' (inferior to one's dignity).

Typically the show will then follow the Chavs to a resturant such as 'Daphne's' in South Kensington and watch whilst they order the most expensive items on the menu.

Then, in a grand unveiling at the end of the show, the Chav will don their shell suit's and caps and admit to their newly found 'friends' that they haven't got a penny to their name and that they have all been taken for a ride . One of the Sloane's will then have to pay for the Chav's meal and settle their account at The Berkeley where they have been staying for the past fortnight .

It is felt that 'The Secret Chav', despite being reality TV, will be a critical success. In comparison with the nauseating 'The Secret Millionaire', it is hoped that the show will highlight a strength of the traditional Working Classes in Britain rather than portraying them as a social group passively waiting for a fairy God Mother to wave their magic wand.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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