Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 10 March 2008

image for Jersey Horror Dig Unearths Ned Kelly Bones
Ned Kelly last night, or this morning, whichever time zone you're in

Police and forensic scientists digging at the site of the Jersey Horror Home have found, what they believe to be, the bones of infamous 19th-century Australian outlaw Ned Kelly.

Kelly was hanged at Melbourne Gaol in 1880, but the police have dug for so long and to such a depth, that they have now bored a shaft completely through the Earth's core, all the way to Australia, and discovered the skeletal remains of the Antipodean icon last night at around 11pm, or this morning at 11am, whichever time zone you're in.

Detective Chief Superintendent Tom Constable, leading the advance digging crew, said:

"We had some problems over the last two thousand miles, but the sheer persistence of my officers saw us through. The search for bones is now over."

Ned Kelly had a troubled childhood, but is not thought to have been a resident at the Haut de la Garenne, and it's a mystery to investigators just how his bones turned up under the cellar of the home.

Praising the sheer persistence of the police, Det. Chief Supt Constable told reporters:

"The sheer persistence of my officers is, like Ned Kelly, legendary."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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