Renault Refutes Clio Bonnet Hazard

Funny story written by Vinyljunkie

Saturday, 8 March 2008

image for Renault Refutes Clio Bonnet Hazard
Titus Phugg Speaks To Renault Clio Owners

Thousands of Renault Clio 2 owners have complained to Renault about the unexpected opening of the Clio bonnet whilst driving.

Insurance Claims are up and No Claims are down due to the damage caused by the sudden dangerous failure of the bonnet catch.

Managing Director Titus Phugg responded by saying 'The Safety of all our customers is very important to us, we feel this problem is due to poor maintenance by our feckless customers and therefore we cannot reimburse them for any damage caused. It doesn't occur with any other vehicle in our range so it reinforces our view that Renault Clio owners are particulary careless'.

Press Relations Manager Ivor Smuggrin admitted there had been a lot of complaints but reiterated the Company's dedication to Customer Service.

'We agree in the 1960's we did have a reputation for cars like the Renault Dauphine being rust buckets, but to counteract that we introduced our generous 60,00 miles or 5 year anti-corrosion policy. If any customer found rust appearing on their car and could prove this, then of course we would rectify the matter immediately.

'We continually strive to improve our safety and security standards as Technology advances, for example our current range of vehicles have very sophisticated computer based systems which make our cars now impossible to work on for any back street garage or handyman, so periodically spraying a bonnet catch should not be too taxing for our lazy customers.

'However we have set up fantastic Dealership Servicing throughout the U.K. you can if you wish have your vehicle serviced by very highly skilled engineers, I agree that parts do have a 100% mark up and tend to bolster up these service charges, but this reflects our investment in the design'.

A statement issued by the Customer Service Manager Justin Thyme stated 'We are working in conjunction with VOSA and would be glad to inspect any customers Renault Clio bonnet catch at any of our Dealerships throughout the U.K. we are heavily committed to our investment in WD40 & Duck Tape.'

When asked Julia Bradbury from BBC Watchdog said, 'No I am not having an affair with Nicky Campbell, he is a happily married man'.

On the phone a spokesman for the DVLA said, 'eh?'.

Thousands of Renault Clio owners are continuing to fight on for compensation.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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