Royal Courts of Justice - (Risible Mess): Buggery attempts raged rampant in the Queen's private orifice at Buckingham Palace the coroner was told today at Princess Diana's inquest hearing.
"The blighters were always at it," Lord Arselicking-Scrounger testified today.
"Mostly it was rent boys hired by Tory Party chief treasurer Lord Ashcroft who was debt-collecting for George W Bush ahead of his campaign to become Governor of Texarse.
"But we also caught plenty of Charles's own creditors who'd lost their coke dealing franchises at Kensington Palace and were on the lookout for a bit of royal dirt to peddle to the Daily Fascist."
The inquest also heard today that Diana too had surrounded herself with eavesdropping lackeys paid to spy on her every movement after the Church of England became worried she was shagging totally unsuitable scroungers who were not on the royal official list of permitted adulteries "like the entire Blues and Royals regiment and the choirboys at Canterbury Cathedral."
The hearing continues.
