Balmoral Castle, Scotland - (Premonition Mess): The sudden appearance of a 'mystical' and ghostlike white stag in the craggy grounds abutting Balmoral Castle has sent shivers of trepidation among locals who fear it portends imminent doom for the Puppet Monarchy.
"'Tis a dire omen that bodes ill," local poacher Hamish McSheepshagger warned today, "a baleful messenger from the afterlife - maybe even from Queen Victoria herself, or our own wee Bonnie Prince Charlie.
"Call me a superstitious fool if you like.
"But that's the legendary mystical creature of yore that's chilled the blood of kings and peasants alike each time it's appeared in these royal grounds."
Folklore has it that a pure white young stag returns to haunt Balmoral Castle grounds ahead of an impending death in the royal family.
It was even rumored to have appeared in a dream to Princess Diana on the night before her fateful car crash in August 1997.
"If the wee white beastie crosses your path it will change your life forever," local gamekeeper Archie McHaggis warned today as minor so-called royals fled the area.
A Whitehall spokesman for the Scottish Orifice would not be drawn on reports that the Puppet Monarch herself, Old Fatty Mountbatten, had staunchly poo-pooed the very idea of superstitious misfortune befalling those who came into contact with the wee white beastie.
Meanwhile at Buckingham Palace the Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon admitted that Her Maj had been seen petting the ghostly stag during a weekend visit to the family pile in Scotland.
"But you can take it from me," Luce-Cannon chortled, "the chance of the wee Scottish beastie imminently claiming the Queen's life are about as good as the Archbishop of Canterbury converting to Christianity!"
Internet spreadbetting index Aintgottaprayer.con has shortened the odds of Old Fatty Mountbatten popping her clogs on St Valentine's Day to 6/4fav.
"Someone's going to make a killing on this one!" their PR source said today.
