Kate Moss livid at paper's headless corpse link

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 7 February 2008

image for Kate Moss livid at paper's headless corpse link
Moss is livid at the headless corpse connection

London - (Decapitated Mess): Supermodel Kate Moss is mad as hell today following reports in a London evening paper linking her to the discovery of a headless corps found rolled up in a duvet and stuffed inside a supermarket trolley.

Under the headline Hunt For Corpse's Head the news item has warned that .....'police believe the man was murdered elsewhere because no blood was found at the scene, which is just half a mile from supermodel Kate Moss's new home in St John's Wood'.

Moss issued a furious statement saying:

"F###ing hell! It's them that's off their trolley. This headless corpse was dumped in Kilburn - a trash-heap neighborhood full of IRA thugs, Jihaddi extremists, benefit scroungers and Donny Osmond fans.

"To say the body was dumped just half a mile from my doorstep if a f###ing diabolical liberty!

"Look at the A-Z map ya assholes.

"Even as the crow flies it's a good two to three miles from effing Kilburn to the select residential enclave of Eyre Estate properties that abuts my wonderful new home on the Primrose Hill/St John's Wood borders.

"Why didn't they say '.....just half a mile away from that nutter cult's polygamy temple' ..or 'less than a stone's throw from Princess Anne's son Mark Phillips' bachelor flat in nearby Belsize Park?'

"Have they any idea what damage's been done to property prices in my manor in the last five hours since this crap was published?"

Meanwhile in seamy Kilburn police have cordoned off the area where the corpse was found and told UK TV lunchtime news programs that they suspect organized crime gangs.

"Whoever said 'Kate Moss's doorstep' had better have a damned good libel lawyer."

Pete Doherty is 29.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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