London - (Ass Mess): Supermodel Kate Moss has slammed Sunday Tosser reports that she is so old, haggard and generally past it she had to hire professional lookalikes to stage a fake orgy at her 34th birthday party last week while she was secretly tucked up in bed with her usual mug of Whorelicks at half past ten.
"That's a feckin' lie," Moss lashed out after claiming the Tosser was running a smear campaign to ruin her reputation as a hard-drinking, multi-orgasmic woman of insatiable appetites and a predilection for twenty grams of coke a day.
The row blew up after the tabloid somehow smuggled out secret video footage of supposedly hired actors who partied non-stop for 24 hours at Kate's new bijou St Johns Wood mansion.
Up to one hundred so-called A-List celebs - including Amy Whorehouse, Pete Doherty, The Gallagher Brothers and a bevy of London FagHagSlagMag notables - were allegedly impersonated at £250 each per hour.
"It's me reputation that's at stake," Moss wailed, "innit?"
Indeed.
