A scientific study revealed today that people who smoke cigarettes are sexy. The study, carried out by researchers wearing white lab coats in the University of Wales in Cardiff, was commissioned by Imperial Tobacco.
"This is one of just many proven benefits to smoking tobacco," said the senior researcher in the press release. "Our survey has shown that 82% of smokers have had sexual intercourse within 20 years of smoking a cigarette. And the remaining 18% have at least been able to crack one off over an episode of Baywatch."
A senior spokesman for Imperial Tobacco welcomed the findings. "Cigarette smokers will be very positive about this news. They've have had nothing but doom and gloom for the past thirty years with unproven links to lung cancer and emphysema and the draconian smoking ban imposed upon them by this freedom hating government. Smokers will take great pleasure in knowing that the halitosis and nicotine stained fingers induced by chuffing a fag are a turn-on rather than a turn off."
When pressed upon the health benefits of not smoking, Imperial Tobacco said. "This issue isn't about health but about freedom. We believe that people should have the right to choose to inhale whatever toxic addictive habit-forming substances they want."
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