Regent's Park - (Ass Mess): Controversial plans initiated by former Culture Club secretary Tessa Jowl to install a crack dealing den complex in Regent's Park have been thrown out by Westminster Council.
The Royal Perks Agency had applied to trash an existing rare wildlife conservation project on the Park's northern side to make way for the erection of two hundred sleazy grey plastic Portacabins rented out to narcotic-dealing pals of the Pretender to the Throne's sons Wills and Harry.
The application had been hand-greased by Tessa Jowl after she somehow got away with the installation of the Hyde Park latrine masquarading as the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain.
But Regent's Park residents were having none of it in their own back yard.
"Damned cheek if you ask me," Sir Monty Fortescue-Liphook-Warbler of the Regent's Park Residents' Society told BBC News today.
"For a start we don't need another crack den in this area," Sir Monty added, "what with Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse's own dealers living so close by in Camden Town.
"And we certainly don't want any of the Puppet Monarch's up-and-coming hustlers on our doorstep. About time the Army drug-tested these young thugs.
"What they need is a damned good Sharia Law-style lashing.
"If nobody in the MoD is up for it they know where to find me of course....."
Camilla is incontinent with rage.
