Judge releases killer but sends jury who acquitted him to loony bin

Written by Noshing Mink

Thursday, 22 November 2007

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Killer Anthony threw large fish at victim's girlfriend

A Judge at the Old Bailey told a killer that he was free to leave the court on the grounds of diminished responsibility, then promptly told the jury that had acquitted him that they were being sectioned under the Mental Health Act 1983 for their stupid decision and would be sent to a mental institution.

Earlier, the court had heard how Joseph Anthony had thrown fish and chips at other passengers on the top of a double decker bus in London and, when 28-year old Willie Richards complained because a large haddock had hit his girlfriend, the 6 foot Afro-Caribbean had pulled out a machete and stabbed Richards 7 times, while laughing.

Anthony's Defence Counsel had raised the defence of diminished responsibility, caused by his client being "too evil to recognise the difference between right and wrong" and the idiot jury had bought it.

Judge Balls said:

"Joseph Anthony, you've been cleared by an idiot jury so fuck off before they change their mind. As for the jury, you're clearly barking mad to have reached this verdict, so I'm sending you to Broadmoor Funny Farm for psychiatric evaluation. And I will recommend that you are each poked with sharp needles and given electric shocks as part of the examination."

Since jury members have to remain anonymous and nobody is allowed to talk to them about the case they have decided, an appeal against this decision is impossible.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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