WHITEHALL, LONDON 11/11/07, 11:00hours: At this year's Remembrance Parade, it was revealed that the massed bands of the Coldstream Guards were in fact cardboard cut-outs. Following General, Sir Richard Dannatt's earlier outburst this year that the army is severely understaffed, it was discovered that he was telling the truth.
The only real person was the Bandmaster Warrant Officer 1st class Al B. Kwyatt, himself an accomplished player on the linoleum since the age of two. All his colleagues were in Hellmann's province in Afghanistan taunting the Taliban with trumpets, timpani's, duck callers and even paper and combs.
The anomaly was first noticed when the Bass drummer was caught in a gust of wind which made him wobble and caused a castor to fall off. It was then found that the entire band was driven by a tiny electric motor in the centre of a base with 4 castors. An argument ensued where the Greater London Council were going to make them pay the congestion charge as the motors left a large carbon footprint for hours down Whitehall, but they decided to drop the charge out of respect for the fallen.
