London - (ReUterus & Ass mess): Chelsy Davy's decision to sell an intimate videotape sex diary of her three year fling with the Pretender's younger son Harry has sent the Queen's blood pressure boiling.
The couple split up over the weekend after Harry was caught once again shagging a hirsute Australian barman in Mayfair's Mahiki Club.
Chelsy is said to be livid at the lack of a royal severance paycheck after providing what she sees as high-class continuous service in trying circumstances.
Her agent said today that the peroxide Zimbabwean bombshell has been offered a seven figure sum from a global media company for the exclusive rights to her video sex tapes.
These show her enthusiasm for outdoor equestrian pursuits including grooming Harry's favorite Lipizzaners at the Royal Stud in Sandringham.
The last time these fine beasts were involved in similar shenanigans was when President George W Bush was allowed to run amok among them during his state visit to the Puppet Monarch.
Many months of intensive therapy were required to bring them back to a normality after that orderal including oral resuscitation techniques perfected at Windsor Castle's detox unit for visiting foreign dignitaries.
Camilla is said to be hopping mad.