Buckingham Palace refused to comment over allegations that the police didn't interview Prince Harry about shooting wildlife but instead about him being the "Junior Royal" in the sex and drugs blackmail scandal.
The allegations, which this reporter dreamt up in his sleep, are supported by three vital pieces of evidence:
- Prince Harry is the most likely member of the Royal Family to be blackmailed.
- He is the most likely member of the Royal Family to have sex with a horse while stoned.
- It's unlikely he could have shot any wildlife in Sandringham Palace in the morning, because he sleeps till lunchtime.
A far more credible explanation is that the Nazi-supporting tearaway prince was caught with his trousers down in one of his mum's stables whilst overdosing on a royal cocktail of illegal substances, by a passing blackmailer who had stopped to ask for directions and pocketed a cool £50 grand.
The police could hardly say that they went to interview Harry about the blackmail without revealing that he was a blackmail victim, something which the law frowns on, so they needed to find another excuse to see the prince. Therefore, either the story about shooting protected wildlife was invented or else Harry really did shoot protected wildlife but did so as an excuse to see the police.
The protected wildlife that was shot, a beautiful hen harrier, said:
"It's bad enough to be shot. But what really makes me angry is that I was shot as part of a blackmail conspiracy involving Prince Harry, some heroin and a horse."