British kids as vulnerable as 25 have been talked into "peace-related" activity as anti-war campaigners lure them into EVIL ways by playing them Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty songs, the chief of detectives said today.
In his first attempt at joined up thinking since becoming head of the flying squad, Boris Evans, an expert in his own lunchtime said pacifists' increasing use of popular music was a baffling development.
Mr Evans, said: "As I speak, [they] are methodically and intentionally targeting young people and children in this country. They are radicalising, indoctrinating and grooming young, vulnerable people."
The top dick said the country's rightful concern to protect children from exploitation needed to be extended to cover limp-wristed pacifism.
He said the UK's greatest security threat continued to be pacifists who were conducting a "deliberate campaign against the United Kingdom" whenever we invade countries like Iraq and Afghanistan.
Speaking to newspaper editors over an extended liquid lunch at a hotel in Manchester, Mr Evans said that his predecessor, Lady Pottie Handingham-Bullets, made exactly the same speech at the same time in the same hotel last week.
Newspaper editors were helped back into their trousers some hours later safe in the knowledge that hacks could recycle the same old drivel ad nauseum.
If you remember a story from last week, email us. Our memories are that short.
PS It was The Grauniad that noted that Evans's speech was to a room full of pissed hacks.