Diminutive high-waisted trouser-wearing pop Svengali, Simon Cowell, has stunned TV executives by claiming to be as big as John Lennon.
The pint-sized big-gob, holding forth at a press conference in London's glitzy West End, gob-smacked onlookers and assembled press hacks by telling them:
"Well the Beatles have had their day and quite frankly I'm bigger than John Lennon ever was and he was bigger than God.
The X Factor's all about me and that bunch of saddos who come on there will be yesterday's fish and chip wrappers tomorrow"
Bernie Allgood, who owns a cutting-edge, state-of-the-art fast food packaging plant in Burnley commented:
"To compare the acts on X Factor to Teflon-impregnated grease-proof lining paper and polystyrene cartons is just bang out of order! How would he like it if I called him a large Pepsi cup?"
TV chef, Ainsley Harriott, has been drawn into the fracas despite vowing to keep schtum.
Paul "Macca" McCartney was unavailable for comment as we went to press but Bingo Spar; the other surviving Beach Boy was unavailable for comment too.
