Heroin granny cleared of pit bull manslaughter because she was stoned at the time

Written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 11 September 2007


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Heroin granny cleared of pit bull manslaughter because she was stoned at the time
A gentle Golden Labrador pup wasn't enough for the Lawrenson family

The acquittal of grandmother Jackie Simpson of the manslaughter of her granddaughter Ellie Lawrenson on New Years Day through criminal neglect in allowing the family's pit bull terrier into the house has been condemned by right-minded people everywhere.

The granny's defence was that she didn't know that the vicious dog, which had attacked several other people, might hurt little Ellie, because she was stoned on heroin and drunk on 2 bottles of wine at the time. Pit bull terriers are classified as dangerous dogs and it is an offence to own one. Nevertheless, the family believed they were above the law and decided to have both a pit bull terrier and an innocent baby.

A woman on the street said:

"If you put a vicious dog into the same room as a little child then it's hardly surprising that it will attack the child. I'm frankly amazed that the jury acquitted Jackie Simpson."

The 45-year old excuse for a human being had previously said that she hated the dog but loved booze and drugs. Charges of possessing heroin were dropped by the wimpish prosecution even though she admitted the offence, because "it would be too much hassle to prosecute her".

The evil old bat skipped happily out of court saying:

"I'm off to Crazy Joe's Dog Emporium to purchase a Dogo Argentino. They're really mental."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more