LONDON (Defecated News) - The recent rise in South London seems to have moved in a different direction. Black-on-black shootings have been replaced by Welsh-on-Irish Face Stabbings.
Last night, in the Welsh Harp Pub in Croydon, Irishman Seamus Donagh was set upon by a group of Welsh pensioners in hoodies. One witness described the attack.
"One minute, we're all having a quiet pint, and then a fella comes up and tells Seamus 'this ain't your turf, fella' and stabs him through the nose with a screwdriver."
Donagh left the pub drunk and confused and returned home to his wife, Shirley, who explained to him that he had a screwdriver in his nose and she removed it.
Police are looking for three men in hoodies aged between 63 and 94 with Welsh accents in the South London area.
