Blair was 'kidnapped and drugged for revolting video'

Funny story written by Rupert Bare

Monday, 24 October 2005

Top secret leaked information from MI5's GCHQ spy centre has surfaced revealing an astonishing confidential document claiming that Prime Minister Tony Blair went missing for five days on an official trip to the US during which he was subjected to a "harrowing ordeal" where he was kidnapped, drugged and filmed for a "truly revolting" video.

Tony Blair, once a fierce opponent of President George Bush confirmed the leaked report, he told a stunned news conference in central London: "I don't know who kidnapped me, but I know for whose benefit it was done."

The Labour prime minister said he will now stay out of the US until after the November elections, because it was "the only realistic guarantee for the security of my family".

Speaking in an unusually subdued tone, Mr Blair claimed he had been lured to Crawford, Texas, under false pretences last year.

But after being escorted by a number of men from his Houston hotel, Mr Blair said he arrived at an apartment in Crawford on September 6 where he was drugged and remained unconscious for four days.

"I had some tea and some cucumber sandwiches and suddenly I felt very drowsy," he said. "I woke up in yet another totally unfamiliar apartment after an uncertain time. I just don't know how much time had elapsed and I felt very unwell and very tired."

He said he was being guarded by two armed men when he regained consciousness on September 10.

He continued: "I was gradually coming back to my senses when I realised that something horrible had happened to me".

"One of my American guards bluntly told me that this was a special operation. Then they showed me a revolting video tape with my participation and they told me it was a plan to compromise me and force me to be co-operative on the Iraq issue."

Mr Blair refused to give further details about the video, but said it had been filmed while he was drugged and involved animals.

Before his release, Mr Blair said he was told to telephone family or friends in London to say he had taken a short break in Texas.

Recent statements he made in Parliament concerning Britain's role in the war in Iraq also did not reflect the truth and were made "under coercion", he added.

British Security Services confirmed that Mr Blair, who was travelling on a diplomatic trade mission in the US, disappeared last September after being dropped off outside his hotel in Houston.

The news has immediately sparked speculation that he had been targeted in a politically motivated attack by the CIA.

Some British political commentators also suggested that his disappearance was staged as a political gimmick in the run up to elections. These claims were swiftly and strenuously denied.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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