Tony Blair on ID Cards. "Live Longer with an Identity Card"

Funny story written by Monochrome

Thursday, 20 October 2005


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image for Tony Blair on ID Cards. "Live Longer with an Identity Card"
An Identity Card Needs You!

Prime Minister, Tony Blair and Home Secretary, Charles Clarke have made a strong justification for their support of Identity Cards.

"I know some people have serious doubts about the introduction of Identity Cards and I can understand that."
Said Mr Blair, using sympathetic facial expressions and expansive hand gestures.
"I just want reassure the British public that for the ordinary, law abiding man or indeed woman in the street, there really is nothing to worry about. In fact, recent independent studies have shown that people who decide to have Identity Cards or The I.D. Positive as they will be known, could have many advantages over those who don't. Charles will tell you more about that."

"Yes indeed,"
Said the large and intimidating looking Mr Clarke.
"Our information shows that The I.D. Positive could live longer, happier lives with successful careers. The I.D Positive will tend to be more attractive, taller, slimmer and healthier and be happily married with intelligent, well balanced and good looking children. Over to you, Tony."

"Thanks Charles. We've also found that the I.D. Positive will live in nicer, larger houses in desirable locations, have more refined dress sense, see more entertaining films, read funnier books, drive bigger, faster cars, win large amounts of money on the National Lottery on a regular basis and have good sex at least four times a week. You could even say that Identity Cards are better than sex! Being I.D. Positive can only be good for individuals and good for the nation as a whole."

"Yes that's right."
Continued Mr Clarke, scowling and pointing aggressively.
"We also believe that The I.D. Positive will probably have easier to access to vital services such as shelter, food, power, water, transport, healthcare and clothing."

"According to the independent studies, Charles?"

"Yes, yes, Tony, as you say; according to the completely unbiased and totally independent studies over which the government had absolutely no influence at all."

"We're not talking about some Big Brother measures here. We're only here to do what's best for The United Kingdom."
Said a concerned and sincere looking Mr Blair.
"We only have the safety and welfare of you people in mind in everything we do and we have great respect for the desire for your personal privacy."

"Yes, so if you know what's good for you you'll listen to Tony." Said an increasingly animated, belligerent and heavily sweating Mr Clarke.
"Any fool can see that Identity Cards will of course give people more privacy not less." He said glaring in a challenging and defiant way,.
"The I.D. Positive will be able to identify themselves anytime, anywhere, on demand.
Of course, who's to say if those without cards may find problems if they can't prove who they are?"

"And the scheme will naturally be completely voluntary and very affordable."
Finished the smiling, friendly and relaxed looking Prime Minister.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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