Building contractor Jock McGonigal went into Parkhead Building Supplies, in St Ninians, and asked Mr John Welsh if we could get 100 FREE 'Heavy-Duty Polythene Bags' because we were working two jobs at the same time. One job was lifting rubble from th…
Welsh gigalo Bigboyo Davies has become the first human to successfully undergo a penis transplant from a donor elephant. Horace, a 20 year old African elephant at Barry Zoo, South Wales, succumbed to one-too-many fat old ladies riding bare back on hi...
Welsh Nationalist Politicians are sulking and not looking at Sky and BBC News because Alex Salmond is now "Mr. Big Pants", according to the Newspaper, CumruCwyddfyddarcfarchnidd Evening Tribune. A spokesperson in hiding at Rhyll Eisteddfodd told...
Having spent millions ensuring every sign and leaflet in Wales is in both Welsh and English, thus ensuring the survival of the language, the Welsh are now to redo all road signs with miles on, and replace them with fathoms. "We don't like the mile...
Mount Snowden is to be fenced off for two years in a secure sanctuary while attempts are made to stop it leaking. It will be allowed to remain in its own territory - undisturbed by visitors. Earlier this year the notorious Welsh mountain started t...
Pontyates, near Llanelli, South Wales: In the Welsh valleys yonder there, there is a cry in the mist. "Fabio, Fabio, where is thou Fabio?" At the Baltic Inn and Restaurant, no less, 150 Welsh Ladies arrived to see their favourite one, Fabio.
Much like our national debt, claims for rural theft are on the rise. Nowhere is feeling the pinch (pun) like rural Wales, where thousands of sheep have been recorded stolen in the past year. The sheep, normally used as extra-martial aids, are feared...
Demoted and disgraced former Scottish Premier League winners, Glasgow Rangers, have applied to join the Welsh Premier League after being told that the only Scottish League that would accept them, was the Hebrides Third Division. "It's no good," sa...
QPR have named Mark Hughes as their new boss after promising him up to £30 to spend on sheep. The Welshman has received assurances from the QPR board that they match his own ambition and are prepared to place a £20-30 war chest at his disposal, en...
The illegal trade in human organs is reportedly set to boom after it was confirmed Welsh families would have no legal right to stop dead relatives' organs being used for transplant if the person had not opted out in advance. Traders in the highly...
Thinking of travelling to the country of the Rising Sun? Got the Land of Lakes on your mind? Why not scrap these holiday ideas and throw them in the dumpster, and instead take a short commute down the M4 down to Wales: Current Population 50,000 miners; 20,000 choirs and about 4.5 million sheep. Wales has plenty to offer the average tourist. If you like sitting in a caravan watching televisio...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, once again found himself unwittingly at the heart of another British service industry crisis today, as he innocently minded his own business, waiting for a train at the local station. Apparently in order to board an ele...
Dear Sir, now I am reading your magazine quite a lot lately. "Now there's lovely, for you!", I says to my husband, Dyffyddydd Ystnyllbrggyddfyd, "now there's a magazine, now, look you, isn't it then?" "Aye", he says to me, putting down his copy of the Yn y llyvyr hwnn of Sir John Price of Brecon, d'you see, he does, and he says "Oh, Glywdwyddyn Ystnyllbrggyddfyd" - which is my own name and t...
Cardiff 'striker' John Thomas has threatened to sue The Sun over it's refusal to speculate on his sex life. The diminutive Welsh scorer claims to have shagged hundreds of women, including three of his cousins. "Unless I am named and shamed I wi...
A popular hotel on the island of Anglesey has banned staff from speaking Welsh on health and safety grounds. The management at the Carreg Mon hotel near Llanfairpwll has instructed all staff to speak only English within the grounds of the hotel or...
Rock revolutionary Nicky Wire is to release an album of of Welsh love ballads and folk songs with sexy soprano Katherine Jenkins. The generation terrorist is said to be seeking a change from the band's outspoken invective on alienation and cultura...
In Wales, you'll need about 15 words to get by. Many are slang. Here's just a few you can use to successfully blend in. Why not buy a Welsh flag and a T-shirt with Cymru imprinted on it? 1) Poppity ping: use this one at McDonalds if your sandwich ever gets cold. Slang for microwave "Can I put the sandwich in the poppity ping?" 2) Boyo: Use this one if you want to express feelings of imme...
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