The ageing Rolling Stone admitted yesterday, that he had made an agreement with Lucifer about his longevity. Having played with hellfire for many years he decided to make a pact with the Devil and offered his soul for everlasting life. It was a hard gig to pull off said Richards, because basically the Devil was not interested.
In the midst of a crowded auditorium in central London, he told a hushed audience how he had engineered his bid for the big one. Although he admitted he had dabbled with the dark side for quite awhile, this was a big step. He explained how the horned one had side stepped his offer and asked him about his young girlfriend. She is not on offer said Richards and grudgingly was accepted.
When asked by a reporter why he still looked as 'rough as a badger's arse', Keith tearfully remarked that the bastard had screwed him. I should have known better, you always have to read the small print. Ok, so I get everlasting life but I will just look older and older until I end up as a human walnut, sobbed the badly creased guitar player.
A renowned geriatric specialist expert, Dr Enid Clever, ventured that this could explain why the hedonistic, drug filled rocker was still alive. Well it could not be natural he added. Anybody who does that to their body should have exited years ago.