John Reid announces every day to be April Fools Day

Funny story written by jailhouselawyer

Sunday, 18 March 2007

image for John Reid announces every day to be April Fools Day
He still thinks it's November!

I suppose that the next logical step after Tesco law, should be the introduction of Tesco jails. Local clinks are to be built on every street corner, to imprison for up to 4 hours, anyone found to be dropping litter or allowing their dogs to foul the pavement. In addition, there will be clinks built in every supermarket in the country to imprison up to 4 hours all those who are suspected of shop lifting. Tesco, Sainsburys and ASDA will give club card points to all those they imprison who also happen to have a club card.

It is planned to fingerprint, take iris scans and the DNA of babies as well as the mothers who are caught shop lifting, because it is believed that criminal behaviour is carried in the genes and that this method will allow the police to monitor future criminals through primary schools, junior schools and high schools.

Motorists will also come under these new sweeping powers. Those caught not wearing their seat belts, caught speeding, using mobile phones, jumping red lights, and committing parking offences, will all be subject to fingerprinting, iris scans and have their DNA taken to place into the database. This will enable the police to detect repeat offenders, who will then face more severe penalties.

It is widely believed that this programme of Modernising Police Powers, is the government's last ditch attempt at fulfilling it's election promise to get tough on crime and get tough on the causes of crime. Previously, the government under estimated the size of the problem believing that only a few hard core offenders needed to be tackled. It now realises that everybody is a potential suspect and should be treated accordingly. John Reid said "It is hoped that these new measures will go some way to restoring public confidence in how the Home Office tackles protecting the public from themselves".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more