A feckless father has been banned from every single Greggs along an entire 13 mile stretch of coastland after going on a six year sausage roll addiction funded by state handouts. Jobless Mervin Gardener, 25, terrorised police, supermarket security...
A section of the M2 has reopened - more than eight hours after an Asda receipt was found near a slip road. Highways Agency experts say the receipt has now been removed from near the exit slip road at Junction 5 of the M2 coastbound carriageway for...
Two femme Fatales were arrested by the police yesterday after their daring robbery was foiled by most high tech (and unstoppable) of police tactics. The stationary, highly visible security camera. The two woman gang, made up of Rose "The Flowerpo...
WAL-MARTIA - Just outside of Chicago is a brand-new Wal-Mart. Wal-Martia, the latest expansion ever by the retail transnational, will cover 103 sq mi (270 sq. km), or roughly the size of Birmingham (UK) or the size of Queens in New York. "Wal-...
As Ed beat David in the Labour leadership challenge, customers at the Asda in Dulwich were shocked to find the third Miliband brother collecting trolleys form the supermarket car park. 'It's uncanny' said 90 year old shopper Hilda Lineker, 'I was...
UK leading supermarket chain, ASDA, has announced that in an effort to embrace a multicultural Britain, It will be re-labelling all its home brand foods in Yiddish. Customers will be encouraged to learn the translations in order to make the wealt...
A team of intrepid explorers working deep in a previously-uncharted area of the Amazon rainforest in Brasil, had the shock of their lives this week when, instead of the lost tribe of pygmies they were looking for, they stumbled upon an even greater d...
Supermarket titan Asda has offered a lifeline to bankers left redundant as a result of the economic crisis, with the announcement of new employment opportunities. Asda said "we are delighted to be helping out bankers in their current straitened ti...
A superstore giant today unveiled its attempts to save the planet. With the British Government indicating that if the supermarkets do not control the number of plastic bags in circulation, then they will act, the supermarket chain has responded by pu...
Kevin Keegan was last night seen storming out of Asda after only being in the supermarket for 10 minutes. The announcement follows lengthy talks between the 57-year-old and the store manager Brian Richardson. "I've been working desperately hard...
Harry Van Dieselgaspetrol, a driver for the internet home shopping delivery service operated by a top supermarket, is suing the supermarket over their work practices. A writ has been issued today to the Cheshunt head office of the retail giant by...
ASDA, the family friendly front for the multi-racist and bigoted American dictators; WALMART have offended the French by selling FROGS with their French salads. In a bizarre, almost nonchalant statement, ASDA said the new range of French salads we...
April 1 is to be the UK's first National Gay Day. The new public holiday has been announced by the Days Off and Sickies Committee of the Government's Environment Agency.
A hitherto loyal Tesco shelf-stacker has been suspended and threatened with the sack, for doing his shopping at Asda, it has been reported.
I suppose that the next logical step after Tesco law, should be the introduction of Tesco jails. Local clinks are to be built on every street corner, to imprison for up to 4 hours, anyone found to be dropping litter or allowing their dogs to foul the...
ASDA are to deliver 8,000 news babies by installing a minimum of 18 new maternity units across the UK this year, the store announced today. In addition, it is to carry out improvements to 14 of its existing stores and roll out the successful crèche f...
Walmart becomes the first corporation in the history of mankind to sell a dollar for less than a dollar. At midnight tonight, the cut-price dollar will be unveiled at all Walmart stores, and...
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