'Antiques Roadshow' presenter, Julian Hallmark, received a nasty static shock from a beige nylon suit he was assessing this week, and was then stunned after realising the great grandad wearing it was fully functional.
Billy O’Lox attended the show, with his great granddaughter Brenda, carrying an antique Japanese moose head, but was then also shocked and stunned after realising he was the one who was to be valued.
‘He’s well maintained, has most of his original parts, and is very presentable after a good polish,’ said Brenda. ‘He’s been in the family for years.’
Billy is regularly updated with age-appropriate complaining software, such as, ‘Have you seen the price of a pint?’ and ‘I could have had a night at the pictures and a fish and chip supper for the cost of a packet of fags these days.’
‘I do like those classic phrases,’ said Julian, ‘but maintenance is becoming an issue, such as being fussy about his food, and he is on his second pacemaker. I assumed they wanted a valuation, as he seems precious to the family, but the granddaughter whipped him away.’
‘He was precious, but we’ve already spent his inheritable assets,’ said a protective Brenda. ‘But we can’t sell him, as he’s very useful, mowing the lawn, walking the dog, and, when we go out, he’s our burglar alarm.’
A chest-clasping, disheartened, Billy, then collapsed.
‘Perhaps we will have him valued,’ said Brenda ‘for insurance purposes.’