Local Man Attempting To Walk 5000 Meters On His 100th Birthday Breaks Both Legs, Fractures Right Arm And Suffers Serious Concussion

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Wednesday, 22 April 2020

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For fuck's sake, stay home, watch Netflix, anything!

Admiral Tim Less, from Mowtow Mulberry, failed in his bid to raise money for the NHS on his 100th birthday, after he tripped and fell just seven meters into his marathon walk.

Tim, a WWII Veteran, had decided to raise some money on his birthday, for our incredible national frontline and support health workers.

He was to donate 100% of the funds raised to NHS Charities Together. Sadly though, he didn't raise anything. Instead, he himself became an unwanted burden on the very nurses he was foolishly trying to help, after the frail old codger stumbled just seconds into his walk.

Deluded Tim, who was born in April 1920, and was raised in Hull, Yorkshire, suffered intertrochanteric fractures of his left AND right femur, severe fracturing to his right arm, and a serious concussion.

NHS staff have now pleaded with the nation's centenarians NOT to attempt 'foolish, dangerous and out-and-out stupid' stunts to raise money, but to stay indoors, as advised, and ride out the current situation like everyone else.

"What next?" asked embattled nurse, Joanne Jones, "Prince Philip doing laps of Silverstone? The Queen going three rounds with Tyson Fury? Joan Collins putting out for the troops? Enough is enough, please, the last thing we need is yet another old age pensioner trying some stupid stunt. It's bad enough everyone doing these nonsensical 'tic tac' (sic) dances every opportunity they get. Good heavens, just fuck off, will ya?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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